Gratitude Letters and Visits

What is gratitude? According to Robert Emmons, Gratitude is affirming the goodness in one's life and recognizing that its source lies outside the self, such as with the good intentions of another person. 

This is a pretty positive way to think!

Learn about health benefits of gratitude  and gratitude journaling.

The Raincoat 

Ada Limón 

When the doctor suggested surgery
and a brace for all my youngest years,
my parents scrambled to take me
to massage therapy, deep tissue work,
osteopathy, and soon my crooked spine
unspooled a bit, I could breathe again,
and move more in a body unclouded
by pain. My mom would tell me to sing
songs to her the whole forty-five minute
drive to Middle Two Rock Road and forty-
five minutes back from physical therapy.
She’d say, even my voice sounded unfettered
by my spine afterward. So I sang and sang,
because I thought she liked it. I never
asked her what she gave up to drive me,
or how her day was before this chore. Today,
at her age, I was driving myself home from yet
another spine appointment, singing along
to some maudlin but solid song on the radio,
and I saw a mom take her raincoat off
and give it to her young daughter when
a storm took over the afternoon. My god,
I thought, my whole life I’ve been under her
raincoat thinking it was somehow a marvel
that I never got wet.

Martin Seligman who is considered the father of positive psychology suggests guidelines for how to perform a gratitude visit.

Write a letter on one page of paper and have it laminated.

1. Take up to a month if necessary to comprise the letter. Carefully consider all the ways this person has contributed to your life.
2. Then, make an appointment with this person without letting them know what the visit is for.
3. Invite them to your home, or visit them at their home.
4. Then, spend this time together sharing with this special person all of the things about them that you treasure.
5. In times of the pandemic, you could do this virtually, and surprise them with a screen share, text of the letter, picture of it. 

For those who are too intimidated by the prospect of staging a gratitude visit, to share your letter writing a gratitude letter, and sending it, ( or even just writing it in your journal without sending it) also has tremendous benefits. You can write a series of letters over a course of time to people who have made an impact in your life, some you know well or, even  some you do not know so well. Or, you could write just one letter to someone to see if you enjoy or benefit from the experience. You could start with whomever you are most comfortable with: your  sister or cousin, a mentor from earlier on in your life, and just express the impact they have made on you and thank them! You could even write a letter to someone you don't know personally such as a writer who you appreciate or an artist, or even the cashier in the local grocery store who is friendly to you every week. Think of all the ways they have made your life and the lives of others around you easier and express your gratitude and thanks for them!

Questions to ask yourself if this is a person who made an impact on your life in the past.

• What might your life be like if I had never met this person?
• What lessons did this person teach me?
• How did I become a better or wiser person? 

Questions to ask yourself if this is a person currently in your life.

Imagine this person was gone.

• How would I be impacted? What would I miss?
• What do they bring to my life?
• Do I tell them enough of the importance they have to me? Do I appreciate them and value the things they do/have done  for me?

Questions to ask if this is a stranger 

• What does this person do that ads value to my life?
• How to they help me to function?
• What must their daily life be like?
• How many other people do they impact?
• Are they valued the way they should be by society?

People to write letters of gratitude to

You may also think about writing letters or making visits to people who impact the lives of people you love. For example your parents, children, friends or spouses. How have these people cared for or impacted the lives of your loved ones? 

You may think of someone who made an impact on you only once. For example, a person who made a difference in your life when you were vulnerable or lost, in crisis or need, and you remember a kind act that made an impression on you.